Filming locations for The Karate Kid (2010), in China. The lake alongside which Han teaches Dre is Dragon Spring Lake, near the trail leading to Care Free.

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Before we get to the review I, as head of security for this blog, need to make a very important announcement: Piracy is illegal! We let you into this review with your cellphones, but if anyone pulls one out, even just to check the time, and I see the screen, I will kick you out of this story! I have night-vision goggles, so I'll know!

Okay, sorry, had to get that out of the way. I mean, they made that announcement at the screening of the movie last night, so I figure it was so important I should repeat it here. Because shaking phone-camera pix of a movie screen will take food out of the mouths of Hollywood movie studio executives.

So, there's a remake of the classic (well, classic to anyone who was going to movies in the '80s) Karate Kid. The original starred Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita, in the uplifting tale of a New York kid moved to SoCal, where he immediately gets on the wrong side of a group of mean, karate students. Not only was it a popular movie that embedded itself in our cultural consciousness, it also turned a generation of kids onto martial arts.

So, how was the remake? Well, in classic GeekDad fashion, here are nine things we think you should know about the movie:

[But please, make sure you don't turn on your cellphone during this review, or you will be ejected!]

A flick of the wrist is rewarded by some lovely special effects, and it's amusing to spin in a circle with your Wii remote and then watch your character spin around with her wand at the same time. Disney princess games. The game also get boring after awhile, since your enchanted journey consists of little more than a string of simple mini-games where you'll have to re-arrange objects, turn evil Bogs into butterflies or restore color to an area with the flick of your wand. But the fact that you have to be in almost complete alignment with objects and wave the wii remote around in just the right way in order to get the effect you want tends to dampen the fun.

1. So, it's The Karate Kid. Is there lots of good, juicy karate in the movie?

Well, actually, no. In reality, there is absolutely no karate in this movie. It's all kung fu. If playing off the popularity of the original movie weren't so important, we'd really ding them for not calling it 'The Kung Fu Kid.' But we get it. It's a movie about a kid learning a martial art. Karate, kung fu, whatever.

2. Okay, so not actually karate. What else is different about the film?

Not much. Well sure, it's set in China instead of SoCal, meaning the alienation of young Dre (played by Will and Jada's boy, Jaden Smith) is even more stark than the original. He's not only an American in a radically different culture, he's African American as well, and stands out like a sore thumb on a sore thumb – which is not good for kids at an age where they just want to fit in.

Otherwise, however, this Karate Kid is an almost beat-for-beat remake of the original, and comes in at almost the same duration (just over two hours). That might seem like a long movie, but it's well-paced, and earns the development of Dre from a frightened stranger to a confident kid with serious kung fu skills.

3. What about Jackie? Do we get any classic Jackie moves?

Oh yeah. Not a lot, but there is one great Jackie scene where he takes down the bad kung fu gang of boys without actually hitting any of them. But the real joy of the movie is Jackie's performance as a wounded man with a terrible burden slowly healed through helping someone else. He's really, really good. I mean, has any other Jackie Chan ever made you cry? I mean, made you get something in your eye, which then waters uncontrollably? No, I think not.

4. Wax on, wax off. Paint the fence. Are they there?

Not exactly, but in spirit yes. And in a fun way that tackles both Dre's early training and his bad 'tween habit of leaving his stuff lying around everywhere. There is a good wink to the original 'wax on' line about two-thirds of the way through the movie, though.

5. It's a movie about kids fighting with kids. How rough is it?

I'm not going to lie to you, Marge, it gets a little tough. The bad kung fu kids and their master share the mantra 'no mercy,' and punches are not pulled. Compared to the original (in my fuzzy memory), it seems a little rougher, but not radically so.

6. What about training montages? We must have our training montages!

Have no fear, there are two good training montages, one of which involving high-kicking on the Great Wall of China. You'll be happy.

7. And Jaden Smith? Can he even carry Ralph Macchio's water?

Jaden Smith is going to be a star. The kid's got the chops (figuratively and literally), and considering the training he must have done for this film, I'm sure he'll be making the Die Hard remake in a couple years.

8. How about pee breaks? When's the best time?

Reinstall windows 7 with product key only. Well, since you've seen the bones of this movie before, you could sneak out pretty much anytime and be able to pick up the story when you get back without much pain. But any point between where Dre starts training with Jackie and when they take a day off from training, and you'll safely not miss anything important.

9. So, bottom line it for us, sensei!

The Karate Kid (2010) is a worthy remake/update of the classic Karate Kid (1984). Jackie Chan is a joy in a surprisingly moving role, and Jaden Smith makes you root for him. The setting is used to great thematic and visual effect, and while everyone knows perfectly well how the movie will end, the theater still erupted in cheers. My kids thought it was 'awesome,' and my wife – well she actually said 'it's better than the original.' I'll play it a little safer, and say it's just as good, and a great family film in its own right.

Okay, now that the review is over, you're welcome to take your cellphones out and turn them back on. Thanks for understanding. Remember: piracy is a crime! :p